I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
