fuck your aforementioned shoe
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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