remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
