You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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