By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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