I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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