How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Actions speak louder than pants.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
