Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
