can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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