i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
