I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
