"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
