You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
our cab driver is having phone sex.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Randomize
