Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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