I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
its liver damage thursday
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
