Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
BRING THE BAGELS
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
