Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
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