i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
