And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
that's an acceptable place to lick
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
