She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
