I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Randomize
