Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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