My liver just broke up with me...
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
