I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
