Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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