HIV tests are more positive than that guy
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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