Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize