I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
