Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
