so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Randomize
