man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he shaved USA in his pubs
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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