Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part