Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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