i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
