I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
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No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
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Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.