So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
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If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
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Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS