In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
