Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
