I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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