Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize