Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Your dad touched me again.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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