well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
