if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
