Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
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