It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
