A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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