my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
