absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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