I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
