I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
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You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
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I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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