There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
