I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
