I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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