Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
