Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
