You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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