last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
