my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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