make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
