He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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