eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
