We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
