i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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