At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
