R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
